Learning to Just Say "No" When You Have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

By Kristi Patrice Carter

More than one million people in the U.S. suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), a debilitating and difficult-to-treat disorder the main characteristic of which is severe fatigue that does not relent with bed rest. CFS is characterized by severe fatigue that has lasted for at least six months, loss of short-term memory or ability to concentrate, sore throat, lymph node tenderness, pain without swelling in muscles and multiple joints, headaches of a new type, pattern or severity, and a feeling of malaise that lasts for more than 24 hours following exertion.

Stress has been implicated as a major CFS trigger; however, the onset of chronic fatigue syndrome can come following colds or viral infections or develop gradually without any clear starting point or any obvious cause. CFS can drain your energy for years. Formerly energetic people can find themselves swamped by exhaustion from trying to maintain half the work and family schedule they could previously handle with ease.

Though women are diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome two to four times more frequently than men, researchers aren’t sure whether CFS affects more women or if women are simply more likely to report the condition to their physicians than men. Yet in the great CFS gender debate, one thing seems clear: Our society has traditionally trained women to be sensitive to others’ needs and compliant in fulfilling them.

What does this mean? Well, when you have CFS, saying "yes" to activities you should not undertake can lay you low for days, if not weeks, because the physical ability to do many things you used to do with ease is missing. So one of the best things you can do for yourself is to learn to say "no" and say it without guilt!

Some people with CFS experience symptoms not included in the official definition put forth by the International Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Study Group. These symptoms include abdominal pain, bloating, chest pain, diarrhea, dizziness, dry eyes and mouth, earache, irregular heartbeat, jaw pain, morning stiffness, nausea, shortness of breath, tingling sensations, especially in the hands and feet, weight loss and night sweats. CFS sufferers may find that their symptoms peak and become stable early on, and then come and go over time. Some people go on to recover completely, while others grow progressively worse.

The problem here is that your family, friends and co-workers—the very people who ask you to do things you are no longer up to doing—may not realize you are no longer up to doing them. To protect yourself, you must learn to say no without apologizing.

This may sound like a daunting task, but never fear, help is available! The Centers for Disease Control and medical offices that specialize in treating CFS can provide brochures that explain CFS in layman’s terms. Make sure to provide this information to your employer, family members and close friends. Then, the next time someone asks you to do something you know you can only do at the cost of making your CFS worse, hand them some CFS reading material and just say "no!"